A SONG OF ICE AND FIRE - RELOADED:

by denstorebog

(probably not worth reading if you haven't seen both Matrix movies)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SCENE 1:

JON stands in a hall outside a great wooden door with SANSA, who is

wearing pink sunglasses.

Sansa: "This is it. Let me give you one piece of advice. Be honest. He

knows more than you can imagine."

She opens the door and motions for Jon to enter. Inside, he finds a

stylishly decorated, but sparsely furnished room. A table and two

small throne-like chairs stand in the middle. A man is waiting in the

other end of the room, staring out a window. Lightning flashes

outside. The man turns. He is wearing suit, tie and sunglasses, and

his face betrays no emotions.

Man: "At last. Welcome, Jon. As you no doubt have guessed, I am

Littlefinger. Please come. Sit. I imagine that right now, you're

feeling a bit like Alice, tumbling down the rabbit hole?"

Jon: "Who?"

Littlefinger: "Let me tell you why you're here. You're here because

you know something. What you know you can't explain. But you feel it.

That there's something wrong with the world. It is this feeling that

has brought you to me. Do you know what I'm talking about?"

Jon: "The Great Other?"

Littlefinger: "The Great Other is everywhere. You can see it when you

look out your window or when you go horseback riding. You can feel it

when you range beyond the Wall, when you practice archery, when you

pet your direwolf. Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Great

Other is. You'll have to see it for yourself."

Littefinger takes two lemon cakes from his pocket.

Littlefinger: "You take the yellow lemoncake, the story ends; you stay

on the Wall. You take the orange lemon cake, and I'll show you how

deep the rabbit hole goes."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SCENE 2:

Jon has chosen to see the truth, and is shocked to find out that the

war against the Others was in fact lost centuries ago after which all

of Westeros was put into an eternal dream known as the Great Other. He

is now taken through the training process that will prepare him for

the coming struggle.

Jon and Littlefinger walk through King's Landing with a crowd of

people milling about.

Littlefinger: "The Great Other is a system, Jon. That system is our

enemy. But when you're inside, you look around. What do you see?

Bakers, whores, wildlings, Kingsguards. The very minds of the people

we are trying to save... "

Jon sees Ygritte walk by. She flashes him a crooked smile.

Littlefinger: "Were you listening to me, Jon, or were you looking at

the wildling in the red furs?"

Jon: "Why, uh..."

Littlefinger: "Look again. Freeze it."

Everyone around them freezes. Jon is shocked to see that Ygritte has

turned into a pale-skinned warrior with blue eyes.

Littlefinger: "This is an Other. Sentient undead. They can duplicate

themselves into the enemies they've slain upon which they will rise

again. They are holding all the keys, which means that sooner or

later, someone is going to have to fight them."

The scenery changes, and the two men stand in front of the open Moon

Door.

Littlefinger: "You have to let it all go, Jon: fear, doubt, and

disbelief. Free your mind."

Littlefinger leaps from the Moon Door. He disappears upwards.

Jon: "Whoa. Okie-dokie. Free my mind."

Jon leaps from the Moon Door. He disappears downwards.

Jon: "YAAAAAaaaaa ... aaa...."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SCENE 3:

Jon has undergone extensive training. He has learned how to dodge

arrows, and he's been told that he is the prophecized one - his is the

Song of Ice and Fire. Littlefinger believes he will save them all from

the Others. However, he is plagued by a recurring dream in which he

sees Sansa fleeing from Lysa, but the dream always ends the same: Lysa

pushes Sansa through the Moon Door, then jumps after her with a

crossbow in each hand and kills her in mid-air.

Jon meets with Maester Aemon who, although blind, is very wise and can

hopefully shed some light on his purpose. He finds Aemon sitting on a

bench, feeding birds.

Aemon: "So, let's get the obvious stuff out of the way."

Jon: "You're a Targaryen, aren't you?"

Aemon: "Well, it's tough to get any more obvious than that."

Jon: "I suppose the most obvious question is, how can I trust you?"

Aemon: "Bingo! It's a pickle, no doubt about it..."

Jon: "A pickle?"

Aemon: "Look, see those birds? At some point a program was written to

govern them. A program was written to watch over the trees, and the

wind, the sunrise, and sunset. I was programmed to be king, but I

chose exile instead."

Jon: "What must I do?"

Aemon: "You must reach The Source Material, the place where you will

find all the answers."

That's all the information he gets before Aemon has to leave. Then

DONAL NOYE shows up.

Jon: "The Smith."

The Smith approaches menacingly.

The Smith: "Surprised to see me, Mr. Stark?"

Jon: "My name.. is Snow!"

They duke it out, and Jon uses his newfound abilities to kick ass.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SCENE 4:

In the end, Jon reaches the Source Material through a door of white

light. Inside he finds a small, round room where the walls are adorned

with book covers. All the covers show different versions of himself.

Some depict Jon with a goatee, others as a silver-haired young man

with purple eyes atop a black dragon.

A white-haired, bearded man sits in a chair in the middle of the room.

Jon: "Who are you?"

George Martin: "I am the Author. I created the Great Other. I've been

waiting for you. You have many questions, and though the process has

altered your consciousness, you remain irrevocably human.

Concordantly, while your first question may be the most pertinent, you

may or may not realize it is also the most irrelevant."

Jon: "Who are my parents?"

George Martin: "Your life is the sum of a remainder of an unbalanced

equation inherent to the writing of the Song of Ice and Fire. You are

the eventuality of an anomaly, which, despite my sincerest efforts, I

have been unable to eliminate from what is otherwise a harmony of

literary precision. While it remains a burden assiduously avoided, it

is not unexpected, and thus not beyond a measure of control."

Jon: "You didn't answer my question."

George Martin: "Quite right. Interesting. That was quicker than the

others."

Jon: "The Others?"

George Martin: "No, the others."

Jon: "What others?"

George Martin: "The Song of Ice and Fire is older than you know. I

prefer counting from the emergence of one integral anomaly to the

emergence of the next, in which case this is the 18th version."

The book covers on the wall come to life. The multiple versions of Jon

start talking.

Jon #5: "So Littlefinger was behind it all! He has been manipulating

us all along!"

Jon #3: "So Melisandre was behind it all! She serves the Others!"

Jon #4: "So Varys was behind it all! He is actually a dark sorceror!"

Jon #6: "So Hodor was behind it all! He is a Demon Ape from the lost

lands of Zarranthur!"

George Martin: "You see my predicament."

Jon: "The problem is choice."

George Martin: "The first Song of Ice and Fire I wrote was quite

naturally perfect. It was a work of art - flawless, sublime. A triumph

equalled only by its monumental failure. The inevitability of its doom

is apparent to me now as a consequence of the inclusion of an orphan

farm boy with a secret heritage and undiscovered magical powers. Thus,

I rewrote it based on current standards to more accurately reflect the

varying grotesqueries of fantasy literature. However, I was again

frustrated by failure. I have since come to understand that the answer

eluded me because it required a lesser mind, or perhaps a mind less

bound by the parameters of perfection. Thus the answer was stumbled

upon by another - an intuitive program, initially created to

investigate the boundaries of the human patience. If I am the father

of the matrix, he would undoubtedly be its stepfather.

Jon: "Robert Jordan."

George Martin: "Please. As I was saying, he stumbled upon a solution

whereby nearly 99% of all test subjects accepted a horrible story, as

long as they were given a sequel. While this answer functioned, it was

obviously fundamentally flawed in its dependancy on an infinite amount

of sequels, thus creating the otherwise contradictory systemic

anomaly."

Jon: "This is about the ASOIAF Message Board."

George Martin: "The Message Board was designed by me to keep the fan

base under control. You are here because the ASOIAF Message Board is

about to be destroyed - its every living inhabitant terminated, its

entire existence eradicated. Thus, the entire base of speculation on

the identities of your parents is reset, and we can start all over

again without ever having to resolve the issue. Therefore, A Feast For

Crows will never be released. It won't have to."

Jon: "Bullsh--!"

Once again, the book covers come to life.

Jon #2: "Bullsh--! Rhaegar can't be my father!"

Jon #5: "Bullsh--! Robert can't be my father!"

Jon #3: "Bullsh--! Ygritte can't be my father!"

Jon #4: "Bullsh--! Eddard Stark can't be my father!"

George Martin: "Denial is the most predictable of all human responses,

but rest assured, this will be the 18th time we have destroyed the

message board, and we have become exceedingly efficient at it. The

seventeen previous versions of the Message Board also believed that A

Feast For Crows was due for imminent release.

The function of the Hero Figure is now to return to the Source

Material, allowing a temporary dissemination of the plot, reinserting

new hints, plot twists and red herrings into a revised edition of the

story. After which, the new version of the story will published and

introduced to 23 individuals - 16 female, 7 male - who will rebuild

the Message Board and restart speculation on the identities of your

parents.

Failure to comply with this process will result in a cataclysmic

system crash, killing everyone involved in the writing and editing of

this series, which, coupled with the extermination of the Source

Material, will ultimately destroy the entire fantasy genre."

Jon: "You won't let it happen. You can't. You need readers to

survive."

George Martin: "There are levels of survival I am prepared to accept.

However, the relevant issue is whether or not you are ready to accept

the responsibility of the extinction of fantasy."

ahahah!!!fantastica

Your life is the sum of a remainder of an unbalanced

equation inherent to the writing of the Song of Ice and Fire

Jon: "The Others?"

 

George Martin: "No, the others."

queste so le mejo!

se mi date un paio di giorni ve la traduco..ma se qualcuno vuole farlo prima me lo dica pure